Tyler Clementi, Cyber-bullying, and the Basics

It’s been everywhere in the news: Tyler Clementi, an 18-yr-old student at Rutgers University, jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge. The reason? Two fellow students, one of which was his roommate, hid a camera in his dorm room to film him having a sexual encounter with another man. Without Clementi’s knowledge, his sexual experience was being streamed live over their webcam.

This kind of story is heart-breaking on multiple levels. First, I can’t help but imagine what it would be like to discover that such an intimate, private moment was being watched, and how humiliating that would be. Second, it’s horrible to think about those other two students, who most likely never imagined that this would happen, but who were nonetheless still thoughtless and cruel enough to do this. Third, I remember how immediate and life-consuming everything felt as a teenager, and the memory tints my view of Clementi’s actions. Had this happened to you or me at 18, who knows how we might have reacted – but, no doubt, the hectic sense of devastation and the impulsive responses that characterize teenagers would make such a rash, irreversible action more likely.

I have a final thought that troubles me perhaps more than any of the above. No doubt, the two students responsible for the webcam will be the main focal point of the outrage that is sweeping the country. But the other, quieter side to what has happened is what is happening with teens all over America. They feel alone. They don’t know how to talk about what is happening in their lives, even if they do know who to go to (and most of them either don’t know who to go to or wouldn’t go no matter what.) Their core sense of confidence, worth, and of the future that lies ahead of them is lacking. They live in this moment – and if this moment takes a turn toward the traumatic, they haven’t developed the internal skills to see beyond it.

Perhaps it has to do with how America has fallen on tough times – it’s harder to feel positive about a future with more limited opportunities. Perhaps it has to do with how prevalent so many messages of intolerance are in the world. Perhaps this Y-generation is too focused on the constant entertainment of the internet, television, and video games, and this detracts from developing other parts of their personalities. Or, perhaps it just goes back to the basics – perhaps we need to give each other and those coming after us the respect and dignity they deserve as human beings, teach them to do the same for others, and, most importantly, teach them that even when they don’t get that respect, worthwhile human beings is still what they are.

Great Weekend!

Memoirs of Meanness was inspired by one of my first class assignments at Rosemont College. I will be graduating from their English and Publishing program soon and couldn't be more excited.

On Friday, our program director hosted a thesis party, where students could share what they did for their theses. (Mine was on the process of creating and promoting Memoirs.) It was a lovely evening, and I was surrounded by some very talented people. One was a young woman who was in that very first class of mine. She wrote and designed the beautiful magazine "First Mate." Another was a young woman I work with, who wrote and illustrated the adorable children's book Cooper's Big Adventure.

In a brief presentation at the event, I shared that the book would be reviewed online today, and it was! Please check out Small Press Reviews.

Thanks To Solomon Schechter and Lawrence Woodmere Academy

We had the pleasure of speaking at Solomon Schechter Day School on Long Island last week. We want to thank them so much for having us. We read some of our own stories, "Laugh At Them" by Sara McDermott and "The Walk" by Melissa McDermott. Other selections included "The Wall" by Katherine Mansfield and "Instant Message" by Jessica Jenkins. Both women wrote these selections while they were high school students, and we encourage all students to send us their own memoir of meanness.

Our very first reading took place at another school on Long Island, Lawrence Woodmere Academy. (It was the day before Halloween and the costumes were awesome!) We so appreciate having had this opportunity. We had a wonderful audience and we really enjoyed speaking at both schools.

Special thanks to Mrs. Tintweiss for inviting us. We cannot express our gratitude enough. Thanks to the students, too, for participating in our candid discussions about meanness and bullying.
 

Craigslist Irony

The irony isn’t lost on me. We put up a craigslist ad asking for people to submit their own ‘Memoir of Meanness’ to our blog, and what did we get? One very mean (and angry) person who wanted to tell us we were awful.

Not for publishing a book about being mean. (I can see how someone might take that as a bad thing.) Not because they didn’t like the blog or the stories or the grammar. We were awful because we had asked for submissions, but hadn’t offered to pay for them.

This is a touchy subject with writers everywhere, and, being a writer, I more than understand. It is frustrating to work hard and not get paid, and I myself have been hired for certain writing jobs in the past, only to find that a paycheck never materializes… but there are a few things I have to point out about today’s situation.

His initial email talked about how we should pay, and then said this is America, after all. Ok, yes, it is. And America’s in a bad recession. Typically, the arts suffer when we’re in hard financial times. It’s rough, but true. Meanwhile, we are trying to build something positive – a new venue for new writers to be heard. I know people (myself included) who have been asked by top publishers (think Random House, Harper Collins, McGraw Hill, Simon & Schuster, Hachette, Scholastic) to submit essays for inclusion in books for free, and these are publishing houses with the funds and the means to profit greatly from the writing (much more so than Pergola can at this point.)

In these tough economic times, when big publishers are less and less likely to look at emerging writers (they need to keep their numbers up, and let’s be honest, to do that, they need to stick with celebrity authors and other ‘established’ writers), the independent publishing house is a new writer’s best friend. Oftentimes, while they are completely ignored by a big publisher, new writers will be discovered by an indie press that will also help nourish their careers in the early stages. While we couldn’t pay our contributing writers (we wish we could!), we did give them free books, helped them to arrange publicity events when they were interested, and, in instances when they took the initiative to arrange and host their own publicity events in their areas, let them pocket the profit from the books they sold.

There’s one final thing I want to mention, which is perhaps at the core of not just this incident, but the book Memoirs of Meanness itself: there’s no reason to send negativity out into the world when no one is bothering you (especially a world that’s in as much transition as publishing). If you see a call for submissions but don’t like the terms, don’t submit – it’s just that simple. Why does it warrant a negative message? (P.S.: About 90% of writing gigs posted on craigslist are unpaid. Does the Writing Avenger message every one of them?)

Long story short, we sent him back a polite message detailing the above points, and, in response, he wrote back to say that we weren’t Random House and that he’d review our site and, if he approved of us, we could sign a letter of agreement on his fee. A few moments later, another email – saying he’ll speak with us again when we are ready to discuss his terms. What? Terms? Fees? For what? Friend – you haven’t written anything yet besides rude emails.

At any rate, I’d love to hear other takes on this. Who’s in the wrong here? Are we the jerks, for not paying for the stories that we would like to include on our blog? Or is it this guy, taking it upon himself to judge us?

You decide!

Grumpy Old Women

They had a spectacular holiday party Wednesday at the independent senior living facility where my grandmother lives. She could invite family so my mother, aunt, and I went. It was really top-notch, with huge shrimp, hot hors d'oeuvres, and wine a-flowing. The only problem was that there were lots and lots of guests, and a buffet style dinner. Many of the guests, too, were over 90-years-old and therefore a little slower than, say, a 20-year old, at filling their plates.

To try to alleviate this, the staff, who did an absolutely wonderful job, called everybody table by table to go to the buffet. As we waited, a resident walked in with her son on her arm. They began to look for their table.

My grandmother pointed. "See that lady?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Nobody ever wants to sit with her," MomMom sniffed. "All she ever does is complain."

Shortly after we were called to get our dinner. But when you got to the hallway, you still weren't allowed to go right in. You had to line up. So some people would follow the rules and wait forever while others would simply saunter in.

It caused some angry feelings.

After we had waited for a while, we were finally told that we would be next, when a group of residents went to the front of the line. My mother kindly explained that we had been waiting.

But MomMom, God love her, announced to this group of women, quite loudly, that they had to go to the BACK of the line.

By this time, the women knew this, and were already cross about it. So my grandmother shrieking at them was the last straw.

"WE ARE!" one of the women shouted back, right in MomMom's face.

And my grandmother swatted her, half-playfully but hard, and said, "I didn't mean YOU."

(Which, she obviously did.)

I was afraid there might be some walkers flying soon, but luckily, the women walked away and we got our meal.

I guess you never outgrow meanness, even if you are pushing ninety.

Thanks from Sara M.

I've got just a few more names to add to that thanks!

One big thanks to Mrs. Emily Farrell. Way back in the spring of 2008, Mrs. Farrell let me bring the concept of 'Memoirs' into her creative writing class to do a workshop with her kids. The stories we received from her high school students make up some of the most intriguing, gripping, and openly honest parts of the finished book. She's a terrific teacher and friend!

Also, thanks to all my friends who turned out to show their support for the book: Lisa and Dave Baxter, Marybeth and Jen Kraus, Robert Repino, Whitney Deeney, Bonnie Frederick, and Mandy Cook. And, of course, a big thanks to Mr. Ajit Jain. :)

Thanks From Melissa M.

Last evening we had our first local reading at The Seven Stones Café in Media. I would like to thank them for having us, and for the great lattes. The café provided a cozy and comfortable atmosphere for us to host the reading. It was also wonderful to have friends and family attend.

Special thanks to our readers, Strath Haven students and graduates. Marco Kopac read 'Smash' from Part 1 of the book; Rama Hamarneh read 'Samson' from Part 2; Lia Rosalksky read 'Talk to Me' from Part 2; and Jane Rohrer read 'Pedestal' from Part 4. They are all very talented.

Also, thanks to my mom, Judy; dad, George; and brother, Matt; my friend and talented cover artist Rich; and friends Katie and Fran. I also had some lovely surprises: my friends Anne, Janell, and Jeff whom I haven't seen in years all came to support my sister and I at the reading. It means so much to me.

(It's quite ironic when you get a bunch of the nicest people in the world together to discuss meanness! :)