Tyler Clementi, Cyber-bullying, and the Basics

It’s been everywhere in the news: Tyler Clementi, an 18-yr-old student at Rutgers University, jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge. The reason? Two fellow students, one of which was his roommate, hid a camera in his dorm room to film him having a sexual encounter with another man. Without Clementi’s knowledge, his sexual experience was being streamed live over their webcam.

This kind of story is heart-breaking on multiple levels. First, I can’t help but imagine what it would be like to discover that such an intimate, private moment was being watched, and how humiliating that would be. Second, it’s horrible to think about those other two students, who most likely never imagined that this would happen, but who were nonetheless still thoughtless and cruel enough to do this. Third, I remember how immediate and life-consuming everything felt as a teenager, and the memory tints my view of Clementi’s actions. Had this happened to you or me at 18, who knows how we might have reacted – but, no doubt, the hectic sense of devastation and the impulsive responses that characterize teenagers would make such a rash, irreversible action more likely.

I have a final thought that troubles me perhaps more than any of the above. No doubt, the two students responsible for the webcam will be the main focal point of the outrage that is sweeping the country. But the other, quieter side to what has happened is what is happening with teens all over America. They feel alone. They don’t know how to talk about what is happening in their lives, even if they do know who to go to (and most of them either don’t know who to go to or wouldn’t go no matter what.) Their core sense of confidence, worth, and of the future that lies ahead of them is lacking. They live in this moment – and if this moment takes a turn toward the traumatic, they haven’t developed the internal skills to see beyond it.

Perhaps it has to do with how America has fallen on tough times – it’s harder to feel positive about a future with more limited opportunities. Perhaps it has to do with how prevalent so many messages of intolerance are in the world. Perhaps this Y-generation is too focused on the constant entertainment of the internet, television, and video games, and this detracts from developing other parts of their personalities. Or, perhaps it just goes back to the basics – perhaps we need to give each other and those coming after us the respect and dignity they deserve as human beings, teach them to do the same for others, and, most importantly, teach them that even when they don’t get that respect, worthwhile human beings is still what they are.